How about a law making it a crime not to flush in public restrooms?


Is not flushing in public restrooms after doing the business not a basic human right? Should there be a law introduced that would oblige people to flush before they leave the cubicle? Or should there be a national debate before any law is passed, with politicians and lawyers and human rights campaigners providing their take on flushing in public restrooms?

I raise all these important questions because more and more people don’t flush in public restrooms as a matter of principle. Some have been known to claim that it was their basic human right to leave the evidence of their visit to a public restroom and walk away with their heads held high. And some have been known to point out that it is a basic human right not to wash their hands after going to the shitter, and just proceed with whatever it was they were doing. And as there is no law forcing people to flush and wash their hands after using a public restroom, there’s nothing really that anyone can do about it at the moment.

Human rights campaigners have been pointing out that no one should be forced to flush in a public restroom, just like no one should be obliged to wash their hands after a dump. “I feel strongly about human rights,’ Stella Strong told Scoop in no uncertain terms. “Where does it say that we must waste water on flushing and washing or hands? Water is scarce these days, so people may just as well use the restroom after someone else has been there and feel proud that they have made a contribution to battling mad-made climate change.”

Environmentalist groups in general support the idea of not flushing in public restrooms, to save water, saying that a law obliging people to flush may actually force some to go against their environmentalist beliefs. At the moment, according to experts, about 40 per cent of people in America don’t flush after using a public restroom, up 27 per cent since the 1960s, saving 500,000,000 litres a year. But if a law is introduced, the waste of water can surpass that amount, as people irresponsible people may be tempted to flush twice and even three times, to get rid of any evidence, so to speak..

But the issue of not flushing has religious undertones as well. A sect that operates in North Carolina and California bans its members from flushing in public restrooms. Yes, this ancient sect that dates back to the 1960s views flushing as a sin that prevents people from bonding with each other and living as one big community. The ritual supposes that sect members just do their thing and it is somebody else who has to flush after them. It’s a complicated ritual and we won’t go into the fine detail of it. This tradition goes back centuries, according to the supreme spiritual leader of the sect, Billy Undetected. “Flushing is a sign of weakness,” Billy told Scoop. “You leave a part of you behind and walk tall away from it. Why should you feel obliged to flush?”

But the issue of flushing in public restrooms has already attracted so much attention that some states are planning to hold a debate in their legislatures and there is even a chance that the matter will be put to a vote in US Congress where the problem of people not flushing has been growing in the past decade. Opponents and supporters of enforcing flushing by law are equally eloquent and passionate about this issue.

Constitutional experts believe that a law on enforced flushing may embolden some fundamentalist religious groups to demand making it illegal to swear on weekends or even during the whole of the week, undermining a basic human right of swearing indiscriminately when feeling like it.