Kim Jong-Un has an ace up his sleeve to defuse the crisis. Embrace same-sex marriage


As the situation around North Korea gets even more dangerous, with the last missile launched by Pyongyang flying over north Japan – with not an anti-missile system in sight, incidentally – and talk of war sounding even louder, Kim Jong-Un holds an ace up his sleeve that could defuse the situation in no time.

What can he do, you may be wondering, to avoid the wrath of the international community and the military might of the US and their allies? Well, he can announce to the world that he is embracing same sex marriage and introducing it across North Korea with immediate effect.

Trust me, that would change the whole situation in an instance. International resolve to punish the regime in Pyongyang would evaporate and Western powers would be the first to start calling on the world to take a grp and not rush things. I can just see the British ambassador to the UN telling members of the UN Security Council gathered for a celebratory emergency session that all things considered the DPRK – that’s the official name of North Korea – is, basically, a peace-loving nation that has not attacked anyone. “Why meddle in the internal affairs of a country set on the road to democracy,” he will say, eye glistening with excitement. And the French ambassador would say something along the same lines, pointing out that tolerance and love for thy neighbour should be first and foremost on the minds of the 40,000 US troops stationed in South Korea, who should be really packing and getting out of there, to let the people of DPRK determine their own future under the wise leadership of comrade Kim Jong-Un and his generals.

US President Donald Trump would still be insisting for a while that it is necessary to deal with Kim Jong-Un and dismantle his nuclear programme, but the pressure from the Democrats, Republicans, the media and the whole entertainment world would be just too great for him to carry on regardless. He would reluctantly be forced to accept that Kim Jong-Un is not such a bad man after all and that he sees no reason why he couldn’t launch a missile or two, to keep his people happy, while Japan might as well stop complaining and get down to sorting out the mess in Fukushima..

China and Russia would welcome this change of mood, because they were really getting nervous about the possible military solution to the crisis, and that would mean that all the five permanent members of the UN Security Council would be unanimous in supporting young Kim. And that, in turn, would mean that the whole of the United Nations would join hands and praise the regime in Pyongyang for its change of heart and finding the strength to embrace world peace – and same sex marriage.

Loans and credits on very favourable conditions to DPRK would be offered by the IMF, the World Bank, the European Central Bank and pretty much every other bank, to help the people of DPRK to develop and grow into a mature liberal democracy. Charities will spring up across the world, raising money to help the North Korean nation to overcome its economic problems. And the world mainstream media outlets would rush to open their bureaus in Pyongyang, to tell the story of how a beautiful country like DPRK is turning into an Asian superpower and a shiny example for some countries where democracy is still only a distant dream of their people.

Yes, Kim Jong-Un can change everything with one short statement. Will he be man enough to do it? The world can only wait and hope.