Life’s a bitch when you’re a hood. Despite what Hollywood tells you


Ever been tempted to turn to a life of crime, having seen all the benefits of it in Hollywood movies?

You know, where hoods drive around in fancy cars, wear flashy designer clothes and lots of bling, party in the best nightclubs, live in luxury villas and are surrounded by hot babes? Oh yes, and come across as great guys generally, apart from when they kill people, for business or pleasure, sell dope, collect extortion money or beast up hookers who owe them pimp money.

You say that you’re not that stupid to fall for this sort of rubbish? Well, let me tell you something: thanks to the sick and twisted lowlifes infesting the American movie industry a lot of youngsters, especially from poor backgrounds, are under the impression that turning to crime is a great career move. Beats getting an education and finding a proper job.

Hollywood has been glamourising crime for decades, producing a countless stream of trashy movies that show criminals as tough guys making a quick buck with amazing ease, living in the fast lane and enjoying the trappings of their exciting ‘careers’. And even though they appear to lose in the end, in some cases, with the supposedly good guys triumphing over them, the underlying message is that it’s much better to be a hood than work for a living and lead a dull and boring normal life.

What the Hollywood lot are not keen to point out, though, is that life’s a bitch when you’re a hood. Most criminals usually have a very short life span, with all the competition, and most of them are thick, boring and basically having no idea how to enjoy their ill-gotten wealth. The live in fear for their lives, considering the competition and he number of people they set up or cheated out of money, and all that supposed ‘glamour’ that surrounds them is not really all that glamorous. The hot babes are trashy sluts, the flashy cars are usually stolen ones and the ‘luxury villas’ exist only in the imagination of movie directors. Not to mention that real life criminals tend to go to prison for a long time and sometimes never come out.

The thing about the underworld generally is that it’s all based on treachery, betrayal and fear of getting busted. All this rubbish that is promoted in Hollywood movies about some sort of criminal code of conduct and camaraderie is just that, rubbish. Mummy’s boys like Scorsese, Tarantino and others, who never had it on the kisser in their lives, or seen a real gun fired in anger, have no idea of what real crime is all about. And the brain dead rappers, who pretend to be all tough and macho and sing about guns and dope and stupid cops, are not that tough at all when it comes to real life situations.

The best way to discourage youngsters from all that trash, on the big and small screens alike and in rapo, is to laugh at the punks who make this stuff and appear in it. It’s not like we can all get together and ban this rubbish from being shown. So let’s mock and ridicule it, explaining to youngsters that real life criminals are wankers who can’t really do anything else apart from breaking the law, simply because they’re just too thick to do anything else. The message should be that they are anything but cool. And can’t even get it up properly because of all that cheap alcohol and dope and the STDs the pick up from hookers they mix with. A lot like many Hollywood actors, incidentally, who play hoods in movies.

That might work, by the way.