How come good guys in movies suck and hot babes aren’t really hot?

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Questions, lots of questions arise when you are confronted with the world in Hollywood movies.

How come, for example, the bad guys always look more convincing, more believable than the good guys? Have you noticed how the baddies in movies always come across as more lifelike, compared to the sugary, unconvincing goodies? If you think about it, it should be the other way round: the bad guys should look ridiculous and weird and the good guys should come out as, well, believable and convincing and sincere. But it doesn’t work like that in the world of movies, now, does it?

And there’s more where that came from: how come most actresses who play stunning babes aren’t really all that stunning? This one is a total mystery to me. Is it so hard to find a really great-looking woman to play the part of a really great-looking woman? Hollywood is full of them, good-looking women, I mean, waiting for their chance to have a go at the big time. But no, you see very average-looking women, heavy on the make-up side, overacting most of the time, and all the men around them supposedly falling over each other to win their love. I’m not going to name names here, but let’s just say that about 90 per cent of actresses in Hollywood are not even remotely attractive. Slutty-looking, yes, but not attractive.

And while we are on average looking females playing beauties in movies, how is it that leading men bump into them in sleazy bars and nightclubs where they always sit alone, and chat them up with remarkable ease? Are we actually supposed to believe that this is how men find good-looking women? What sort of rubbish is that? Not to mention that hookers in films always have feelings, are clever and witty, and on the whole are much better company than women who don’t charge money for sex. Hookers, so that you know, are hustlers who will do anything for cash but betray with remarkable ease. That is how it happens in real life, not in the world of movies.

And then there are action blockbusters and supposedly serious thrillers that have so many stupid things happening in them that it is difficult to know where to start. For example, how come guards in these movies always – and I mean always – look the other way when our action hero tries to sneak past them? How dumb are these supposedly otherwise highly trained individuals should be not to notice some six-foot-five mountain of muscle slip past them or get close enough to knock them out with one blow? And why is it that ruthless thugs and ex-commandos turned bad guys miss when they fire from a distance of ten feet or less? I mean, there has to be some sort of reality thrown into action movies otherwise they start to look really stupid.

And why is it that fight scenes in movies look so ridiculous and sometimes last forever? What sort of idiot would like to see a fight that is all about pretending that lasts several minutes? OK, so once they trade a couple of punches we get the general idea that they don’t like each other all that much. But please, why do we need to sit through the stupid theatrics that don’t even look close to real?


And then there is the ease with which the good guys – remember I was talking about the good guys earlier? – kill dozens of people. How does that make them good? You know what it makes them? Bloodthirsty psychopaths, that’s what it makes them. And yet, on and on they go, whacking people right, left and centre, feeling no remorse whatsoever. As in: we are the good guys and we are allowed to kill as many bad guys as possible. But behind our ruthless bloodthirsty exterior hides a caring, loving person, who would never harm a puppy or raise his voice at a woman. What sort of idiocy is that?

But the worst things in movies are the sex scenes. Boy, oh boy, how these scenes suck, if you pardon the choice of word here. The smooching sounds make my skin crawl. Brrrr. And the sexual positions are simply unreal. If you try this at home you will get seriously hurt. Who the hell wants to see two adults pretending to have sex in the most stupid way possible, moaning and groaning insincerely? They might as well just say how much they love each other and avoid all the embarrassment. Especially as the females look very ordinary anyway and so most people would have no desire to see them rolling in bed with men, trying to imitate an orgasm.

And now, if you allow me, I will go down by category: what is the point of horror movies and movies about sport? Horror is plain daft and sport is stupid, so why make movies about monsters and blood-sucking creatures or actors pretending to play baseball or to box? It’s just idiotic. And who goes to see westerns? Really, how thick do you need to be to go and see a western when it has already been established that it’s a concept for the brain dead? And what about movies devoted solely to drunks and drug addicts? Who cares about their problems and their suffering? They chose to drink and take drugs themselves, so good luck to them. And one more thing: how come most comedies have a few funny scenes at the beginning and then turn all boring and have an ending that makes no sense at all?

Weird, that movie world. Waste of time and money, if you ask me.

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